If a man waits until you are both naked and sweaty to ask, “what do you like?” he is clearly working with only the most primitive intuition, and should be sent back to junior high school.

The correct time to ask is when you meet. Correction – don’t even ask – LISTEN.  It’s all right there: in the profile, on the phone, at the bar. It should be apparent if a woman is the wine and roses type (really, who isn’t?), just wants a good laugh (who doesn’t?) or maybe seeks an adventure (why else would she be here?). THIS is foreplay. 

The chatter, the nervous laughter, the tentative touches and the broad smiles might lead to what we really want. Because both parties are after the same thing, some iteration of love. And the bold “mature adult” impetuous enough to try to replicate actions and emotions more wisely left to earnest and guileless teens deserves what he or she really wants.   

It’s in every romance movie made.  Women want to feel attractive, amusing, interesting. Men want (I think) to feel smart, admired and in control. We owe each other respect and honesty. Then we can get to the good stuff.  

It has to start with clothes on:  Taking the time to select a destination based on my preferences.  Whispered intentions over dinner will make any woman warm. Making accurate reference to something I have mentioned, terrific. And if a guy just can’t help himself from planting a kiss behind my ear at the coat check, brilliant.  But telling me he can’t get enough of me, priceless.  

Of course, all this titillation can only work if both parties feel a frisson when thinking of one another.  And sadly nine out of ten dates have provided more of a shudder.  Oh but that one…

Such simple tips to basic satisfaction. Just figuring this out, and writing it down, has given me hope for a future tryst. One in which there is no thinking about laundry, when “thinking” should the last thing on my mind.